And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
