you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
