Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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