I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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