when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
