Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize