operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize