is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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