Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
