so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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