i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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