all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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