YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She said her name was "party"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
