I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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