i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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