True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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