What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
