I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
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