4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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