I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
