Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
