Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
