I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
