you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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