we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
