I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
third nipple confirmed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
