What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sext me about skeletons
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
