Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
