Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
