i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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