he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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