i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize