Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just had sex on a roof
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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