he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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