You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
