I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
send nudes
from the living room?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
