HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
