If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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