Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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