honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
