Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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