hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
