I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
