Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
