Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
