I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
