there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
