Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
