put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
