Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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