last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
