I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
