Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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