Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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