i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
