The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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