that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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