gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
