I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize