dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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