He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
