Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just cropdusted the office
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
