I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
