nut hugger
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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