His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
