Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
