I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
