let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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