think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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