she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
