Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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