The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm at about main and main street
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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