I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
