I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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