it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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