Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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