My sheets look like a crime scene.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
