Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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