Soap is not a condiment
he shaved USA in his pubs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
