Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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