I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
