I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
