quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
