Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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