i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
