I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize