the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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