Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
