Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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