The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
