the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
