I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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