So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
