i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
