..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
