definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
