he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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