his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
