The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize